It's been a while!!

I was just thinking today how it has been a LOOOOOOOOOONG time since I had a patron story. It's about time, right??

The scene: Preschool Story Time, at the end of the program while the kids are all working on their craft... I'm walking around, complimenting everyone on their fabulous art.

Real Librarian: Oh, wow - I love those ears!! Did you know that purple is my most favorite color?

Pre-school Artist: Purple is my most favorite color too!!! And my most favorite boy is Justin Bieber!!!

Looks like we have some Bieber Fever up in here!!! LOL

Update on the broken doors

You might remember this post from the other day, explaining what in the library IS and IS NOT a toy.

I also mentioned that our new automatic sliding doors were broken.

I got a couple of comments - one of which said that breaking the doors would be impossible for a 6 year old.

Turns out, we're both right. It seems that our brand new automatic sliding doors are also 'breakaway' doors, so in case of a power outage, we would still be able to open the doors. Well, the 6 year old had managed to put the door off it's track, therefore causing it to not open and shut automatically as it is supposed to. Broken, yet NOT broken.

You'd think that the powers that be would have informed us of the 'breakaway' feature.

Anyway, the doors are now fixed and all is well in my brand new fabulous library.

Not a toy

At my new library, there happen to be a TON of new things for the kids to play with. For instance, we have a doll house and globe...


some manipulatives...


an AWESOME felt vegetable and flower garden...


and a 'book drop.'


One thing that we have in our library that is NOT A TOY...

THE FRONT DOOR.

That's right, kids, the doors are NOT TOYS. I don't know what kind of place you live in, but your grown-up should have taught you this very important lesson.

The other day, I look up from the information desk to see a youngen of about 6 years old, tugging on the automatic sliding doors, pulling them shut. His grown-ups (THREE of them!!!) were all standing in front of him, just watching him.

I ran (*read: walked with a quickness, because one should not run in the library) over to the family and told the boy that the doors were not toys, and we needed to be careful in the library. None of the grown-ups said ANYTHING. They continued out the door and didn't even look back at me.

That's when I turned around and realized that the automatic sliding doors to my brand new library were now...broken. Nice.

Teaching a lesson...patron style

Not that I was eavesdropping or anything (well, maybe a little. But seriously, in this building, it's almost impossible not to hear every conversation that is happening, let alone a loud phone conversation being had 4 feet from the desk), but damnation, if this is what we're teaching our children...

A woman comes into the library, and she can only be described as...well, trashy. Her shorts don't quite cover her cheeks, and her muffin top is *mostly* covered by the baby doll T she's wearing. She does have a very nice shiny silver purse... But, I digress...

Anyway, she's sitting in the chairs about 4 feet from the desk, talking on the phone to her daughter. This is the part of the conversation that *I* hear...

Trashy Woman: You need to work on being nicer, young lady. **pause** You acknowledge me when I'm talking to you, or I'm gonna SMACK YOU!!!

Um, yeah. This coming from the same woman who got all hostile when we asked her to take a previous call outside because she was talking loudly and vulgarly. And she also complained about having to move her uncovered drink from the table by the computer to the floor.

Nice.

Some people never learn

We have a patron who comes in frequently to use the computer. I've blogged about her before - I like to call her Gabby. Well, Gabby is in desperate search for a job (I guess Cracker Barrel didn't work out), and has been coming in to the library to use the computer to submit job applications. This exchange happened the other day:

Gabby: Real Librarian, can you help me with something?
Real Librarian: Sure, what's up?
Gabby: Well, I am stuck on this question. How should I answer?
RL: Um, is this a job application?
Gabby: Yes.
RL: Well, I'm sorry, I can't help you answer the questions on your job application.
Gabby: Why not?
RL: Because they don't want to know how *I* would handle the situation, they want to know how *YOU* would handle the situation.
Gabby: Oh, well, I didn't know.

And this one:

Gabby: I'm trying to log into this site, and it won't accept my password.
RL: Well, are you a returning user to this site, or are you a new user? (Keep in mind that I had already asked her this question 10 minutes before when she first got to the site, and said she had a password)
Gabby: I set up my email address the other day.
RL: On this specific site or a different site?
Gabby: My email.
RL: Did you already start to fill out an application on THIS SPECIFIC WEBSITE, or is this the first time you've been to this specific site?
Gabby: Oh, I haven't been here before.
RL: **smacks head on desk** Well, then you are not a returning user, you are a new user.
Gabby: Oh, well, I didn't know.

Other questions from Gabby:

Gabby: What do I choose here?
RL: Well, it's asking you what state you live in.

Gabby: What does this mean?
RL: Well, it's asking you how many years of job related experience you have.
Gabby: In school?
RL: No, job related experience.

Seriously, these are the SAME questions you have answered 100 times on 100 different job applications. How can you STILL be having the SAME problems?!?!

It's time like this you wonder how some people make it through the day.

I also got an earful about how she hasn't been sleeping well the past three nights, and she's tried taking some pills for it, and she has a headache. I suppose I shouldn't complain, I would rather hear about her being tired than her sisters menstrual cycle like last time, right??

Did he just say...?

I was sitting at the little table with a mom and her son while he was putting together a puzzle. The little guy is 3, and totally adorable.

Little Guy: *says something I can't quite make out*

Real Librarian: *looking at LG's mom* Did he just say Chaka Khan?

LG's Mom: Huh, I think he did!

RL: Niiiiiiice!!!

One of those days

Every so often, you just have one of those days. Every patron who walks in the door is super needy, the kids are extra rambunctious, the wireless is acting up. Oh, and it's cold...and you forgot your sweater.

Wait, that's me. But it is cold, and I did forget my sweater...twice.

*sigh*

Anyway, today was just one of those days. Allow me to tell you a couple of stories.

Our first story comes by way of two young ladies (one of whom had some major eye make-up going on. Like, pink and white vertical stripes with glitter eye make-up. No, I'm not kidding) who were using the computer to print off a coupon. The coupon came with a map of some sort (gotta be honest, I wasn't really paying attention), but they didn't want the map, just the coupon. They sent the coupon to the printer, only to be told that it was going to be 2 pages, thus 30 cents.

Pink Eye: So, I called and they said it would be 15 cents.
Real Librarian: Well, it's 15 cents a page, and this is saying it's 2 pages.
PE: But they said it was only going to be 15 cents on the phone.
RL: Yes, 15 cents a page. There's no way we would be able to tell you how many pages your document was to give you a total price.

For some reason, it was my fault, because they had only brought 15 cents. Luckily, they scrounged their car for another 15 cents, and tragedy was avoided. I hope it was a good coupon!


A woman who used to work with my library system came in to use the wireless. She was having trouble with the site she was trying to access, and wanted to use our public computers to see if it was our wireless or the site she was trying to get on. Since we are a small branch, we don't have very many public computers. She was very upset that a computer sat open and she couldn't get a reservation for over an hour. She then complained when another patron hopped on the open computer and started his reservation.

I guess the reason why I find this to be annoying is because she used to work for the library system. She used to work in a small branch herself. She used to explain the reservation system to patrons multiple times EVERY DAY. Seriously, you're going to get all up in my face about it?! HA! Well, honey, nothing has changed, and there is still nothing I can do about it.


We have a regular patron who comes in with his kids. Like 5 of them. They all come in to use our computers. The kids are usually well behaved, but the dad has not grasped the concept of "library voice," especially in our tiny branch. This dad is also a little smelly and loves to talk. I desperately try to avoid him, but alas, he has discovered me.

Today, he was telling me about how he fell on hard times, how he lives in a trailer park, how he has 5 kids with him today. Then his oldest (maybe? the oldest one of the kids he had with him, anyway), came up to talk to him, and I don't know how it happened, but soon the oldest one is telling me how he doesn't want to date because it's too complicated. Um...ok...

Well, I wish that were the end of that story, but unfortunately... This guy was leaning over the computer his son was on, and we got a nice healthy viewing of butt crack. Seriously, PULL UP YOUR DAMN PANTS!!!


And I have one final note for y'all. I AM NOT A TAX PROFESSIONAL. Seriously. I don't think it's a good idea for you to be asking me what forms you need to file your taxes. I'm a librarian, I didn't study law. I can barely do my own taxes, I should definitely not be doing yours.

Oh, and this prior post about Tax Season is still relevant.


Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!! Thanks for letting me get that out!! I have to say, 99.9% of the time, I am totally in the "I LOVE my job" camp, but every once in a while, the crazy adds up!!

TMI Thursday

Once upon a time, I wondered if being a librarian was like being a bartender. You know, like when a patron comes up to you and talks your ear off about their medication, their horrible job, the weather, or whatever else strikes their fancy.

Well, it's been one of those days. Not that I'm complaining. I'm really not, because the public is one of the things I love most about my job. I love that they find that we librarians are easy to talk to, and it always makes for interesting stories. But, usually you get a small dose here, a little more a different day, and so on... Well, I got an EARFUL today!!!

Things I learned:
**names have been changed to protect the crazy... I mean innocent.**

Gabby (who comes in often to use the computer) taught me how to make croutons at the Cracker Barrel where she works as a food prep.

Gabby also showed me a picture of her sister's 9 week old fetus, and told me all about how she was on fertility meds that made her depressed, but then bam! she was pregnant. She started to tell me about her sister's cycle when I was (luckily!!) saved by the ringing phone. After I answered the question on the phone, I escaped to the work room to avoid hearing more about sissy's cycle...

Unfortunately, Gabby asked my co-worker to get me. Then she proceeded to tell me all about sissy's cycle - AND her own. Yeah.

Then, a woman who was checking out told me that she hadn't had a cigarette since Thanksgiving. We'll call her Smokey. I told her Congratulations!! in my most supportive "I've been there and I know how hard it is, and a week is AWESOME!!!" voice.

That's when she practically yelled at me that her daughter usually pays her a little stipend for watching her daughter's kids, and that's what Smokey used to buy her cigarettes. Her daughter told her that she doesn't have the money to give right now, and Smokey found out she was lying (presumably to get Smokey to stop smoking)!!! So, Smokey gets all mad and starts going off saying she was going to show her daughter, and she'll NEVER stop smoking now!!!

To be perfectly honest, I really do love it. It might drive me a little crazy at times, but it's all good. Working with the public is always an adventure!!!

p.s. Don't forget to enter my latest GIVEAWAY!!!

Library Question of the Day

A man from out of town wants to make a reservation on the computer, and asks for a computer guest pass. I give him his guest pass, and this is the conversation that follows...

Man from Out of Town: Are you going to freestyle?

Real Librarian: I'm sorry?

MOT: Freestyle! Are you going to freestyle?

RL: Um, I'm not sure exactly what you mean...?

MOT: Aren't you a rapper? You need to bust out with some freestyle!!!

RL: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

MOT: **pumps fist to his chest and gives me the peace sign** You get me?!?!

RL: Oh, yeah, I got you!

Ok, so there is no way anyone would confuse ME for a RAPPER. Seriously. Now, I can bust out some Vanilla Ice and Young MC with the best of them. Oh, and Salt & Pepa, some Will Smith, if you please... (Yes, I'm breaking out my 90's rap knowledge. Skool, yo.)

I digress...

Anyway, the point is, I totally don't look like a rapper... I wonder where this dude comes from!!

Library question of the day

Real Librarian: **answering phone** Fabulous Public Library - Most Awesome Branch. May I help you?
Person on Phone: Yes, is this the Most Awesome Branch of the Fabulous Public Library?
RL: Um...yes, yes it is...


Sorry, I just think that's funny.

Dear Library Patron

Dear Library Patron,

Thank you for coming in to the library today...and every day. It brings joy to all our hearts that you are the first one in the door almost every day in order to make it to one of our public computers.

We don't really appreciate the fact that you constantly look at lingerie ads and things of the sort right in front of our circulation desk, so our fine employees get a nice show of naughtiness every day, but we'll let all that slide.

We will not, however, tolerate your lack of appropriate dress. Please always remember to put on your belt. While it may have been mildly amusing, it was entirely disgusting to see your crack staring at us while you were on the computer.

Thank you,

Your Friendly Neighborhood Librarian

A joke?

We recently had a guy call in with a phone reference question at the library. He called the circulation desk, and started to ask me his questions, and while I could have answered (with all my reference experience!!), I chose to pass it along to the librarian. But not until after he started the question with me!! Here's the convo...

Man on Phone: Yes, I was wondering if you have a dictionary.
Real Librarian: Um, yes, we do!
MP: Well, could you look up a couple words for me? I need to find the definitions for the words "Jerk" "Yank" and "Tug."

Well, me being...well, me... I think this HAS to be a joke. I mean, not that I'm dirty minded, but...ok, I'm dirty minded, and my mind went immediately to the "nasty." And I have to admit, I had to hold in the giggles. Wow, I'm really immature...

Anyway, there was a helpful fabulous librarian sitting at the reference desk, looking like she needed a good reference question, so I passed the phone call on to her. The call lasted a good 20 minutes, and I heard her give the definitions no fewer than 3 times each, along with examples of each (no fewer than 3 times each), and had to try explain each term multiple times and in multiple ways (while I sat at the circulation desk giggling).

A couple days later, a different librarian was sitting at the reference desk while I was at the circulation desk, and I heard her say "You need the definitions of 'Jerk' 'Yank' and 'Tug?'" I immediately burst into giggles because I knew where this was going. She went over the same things (multiple times) and gave several examples of each - and looked at me like I was crazy.

I also immediately shot an email to the first librarian to tell her the Jerk Yank Tug guy was on the phone again. We decided it might be a crank, so we thought we'd talk to our branch manager. She said she had gotten a call from the same guy, looking for the same terms at one of the other branches while she was sitting at the reference desk!!!

Theories? Well, it could be a joke. It could be a "secret shopper" type who is just looking to see if they can find a cranky librarian. Or could it be a news channel doing an expose' on the library to see if they could trip us up or see if we would answer his questions without questions. Or it could be a legitimate question...

I'm leaning towards joke. But maybe that's just 'cuz I'm dirty minded...

Taking responsibility

It's amazing how many people there are out there who just don't want to take responsibility for their actions or maybe lack of action. I don't know where it comes from, but seriously, you see things like this every day. I have a perfect example of that here.

Old Cranky Woman: So, I have an overdue fine on my card.

Real Librarian: Oh, okay, would you like to take care of that today?

OCW: Actually, you have my phone number and my email address. Why didn't you contact me to let me know that they were due?

RL: Well, you can go to our website and set up email or phone notifications that will tell you when your items are two days away from being due.

OCW: No one called me, so I don't think I should have to pay for this.

RL: Well, we do give you a due date slip when you check them out, so you know when they are due back.

OCW: Unbelievable. Well, they were my grand kids books, I'll make them pay for it.

Um, ok. Seriously, if you are late, you pay, that's just how it goes. That's been library policy FOREVER!!! Write it on your calendar, put it on an alarm on your phone, something.

I guess we'll see if the Old Cranky Woman makes her grand kids pay for their fines. Those evil grand kids.

Overstepping?

I've done a terrible thing. I said something to a customer at the store that I probably shouldn't have said. See, I am usually quite the customer service girl. I totally understand that if you are working in customer service, in certain unpleasant situations, one has to slap a smile on ones face and take it up the ass. I KNOW that. And I am usually all about that (because I can tell y'all about it later - ha!) But, I snapped, and said something that I know I shouldn't have... *sigh*

Woman with Return: Yeah, well, I don't know what you usually do about this, but can I return something I've worn?

Real Librarian: Oh, was there something wrong with it?

WR: Well, I wore it and I just HATED it.

RL: *sigh* Well, yes, we can do the return for you.

So, then, I realize that I've started to get that "tone." You know the one that when you actually SAY the words "yes, we can do the return for you" but the tone says "Seriously?! Just because you HATED it?! WTF is wrong with you?!?!?!" I actively try to get back into my upbeat customer service voice.

RL: Can I get your phone number? Is this information correct? Blah blah blah?

WR: Well, your attitude seems to have changed. At first you sounded upset about this.

This is where I accidentally said...

RL: Well, to be perfectly honest with you, I wouldn't return something I had worn just because I hated it.

WR: *makes that "uh!" noise one makes when offended* Well, I wore it and it totally stretched out!!

RL: Oh, well, that's different. If it's defective or stretched out or isn't up to quality standards, that's another story!

WR: Are you the store manager?

RL: No, but I am a manager here. But here's our number, her name and my name and she'll be in during these times the rest of the week. Feel free to call her anytime.

Oops. Well, seriously, don't tell me you are returning it because you hated it. Tell me it's defective!!! I know it was wrong, and I know I shouldn't have said it. And I felt really guilty later for making her feel bad, but still. Come on. I've talked to my manager, and so far no phone call from this woman.

I'm going to chalk it up to working 3 jobs and not having a day off since April 19. That's a good excuse, right? The end is in sight, though - my next day off is May 21!!! WOOOOOHOOOOOOO!!!!!

Have you ever said anything to a patron or customer that you probably shouldn't have? Tell me your stories!!!

Hey, don't forget to enter my latest giveaway!!

Disgruntled

It's been a while since I told a good patron story, so I thought I'd share one.

A woman comes in to the library with her three kids. She asks me to look up her library card number so she can get onto the computer. Once I see her ID and look up her name, I see that she's been billed for about 12 children's books to a tune of over $200. YIKES!!

Real Librarian: Um, actually, did you know that there is a fine on your card? You are being billed for a number of items that were due back in February.

Disgruntled Mom: (Instantly defensive and ticked off) No, this is NOT right. I KNOW I returned those books. There might be ONE that is missing, but I KNOW I returned the rest of them.

RL: Had you talked to someone before? Did we do a shelf check for you?

DM: No, I haven't talked to anyone. I just KNOW they came back.

RL: Ok, well, I can definitely check the shelves for you. Why don't you take a quick look at home and see if you can find the one that you think you might still have. We'll get back to you once we check our shelves.

Well, the DM left, but you could tell she was not happy with me. She totally made it seem like it was all MY fault that the books hadn't been checked in. Well, I went to the shelves and checked for all 12 of the books. Now, I can see not finding one or two - but I couldn't find ANY of them! Makes me wonder...

Anyway, I gave all the details to my supervisor and decided to let her deal with it.

I came in to work 2 days later, and since we were a little backed up in the shelving department, I decided to work on shelving some picture books... That's when I came across some VERY familiar titles...

Turns out she went home and found them. All but three. Yup. But I have to tell you, I'm not really surprised. I get the "I KNOW I returned them" line quite often. Then, she came back in today with the rest of the books she KNEW she returned.

DM: Can you believe we found all those books?! I just KNEW I returned them! I hope I wasn't too crabby with you.

RL: Oh, no, it happens!!

Well, it does happen. I promise not to be crabby with you, if you promise not to be crabby with me!!

Things I don't appreciate being left in the bookdrop

1. Dirty Kleenex

2. Used Band-Aids

3. Dusty Swiffer Cloths

4. Old used binders with cobwebs all over them

5. Bottle caps

6. School notebooks

7. Markers

8. Moldy books that don't belong to the library

9. Moldy books in general

10. Basically anything that isn't a library book, DVD, audio book or CD.

These are all things that I've found in the book drop throughout my library career. The grossest was today's nasty snotty Kleenex, though. Ew.

Library question of the day

I really haven't been posting much, so two posts in as many days is insane!! But, I just couldn't let this one go without a mention...

**ring, ring**

Real Librarian: Fabulous Public Library, this is A Real Librarian, can I help you?
Lady Caller: Hi yes, my husband lost our phone, and he thinks it might either be there or at the grocery store.
RL: Ok, well, I don't see anything turned in here at the desk, but I can check in the lost and found for you, too.
LC: Well, it's not like a cell phone...it's our home phone.
RL: *trying not to laugh* Um, okay, well, I'll check. *checks* Nope, I didn't see a phone at all.
LC: Thanks for checking.

I wonder what this lady is thinking about her husband...

I suppose I shouldn't talk, though. Sometimes, while working at the retail store, I carry the cordless phone around hooked onto my pants pocket. Well, one morning, I'm driving back to the store from the bank, when I hear a dialtone. You guessed it, I brought the phone with me to the bank. Nice. At least I didn't take it home, right?!

May I have your attention, please

So, I'm sure we all have things that we wish we could say to people, but it's just not appropriate or we don't think of it until after the fact. Well, I've come up with a couple of things that I wish I could tell people, or maybe even announce over the library's paging system. Or maybe post them up like "rules" at the Pool or something like that...Hmm, now there's an idea!

Remember, this list is based on actual events...

1. Please try to remain in the vicinity of your child. That way, if he starts screaming "Mom!! MOM!!! MOTHER!!!!" you will be close enough to stop the screaming after the first "Mom!!"

2. Please refrain from running in the library. We are not a racetrack or a playground. If you fall and crack your head, we are not responsible.

3. The library is not a place for pornography. If you want to look at hot naked co-eds on Myspace, please do so at home.

4. We don't need to be teaching the kids that it's okay to "roar" in the library. Unless you teach them to use their "inside roar."

5. Please pick up after your children. Unless you want me to come to your house, throw all the toys and books all over the room and leave so you can pick it all up. Cuz, I will.

6. Please remember that voices carry. If you are sitting at a computer in the children's room telling your friend how you threw rocks at the neighbor's car, we can hear you. And make sure we don't know your neighbor.

If you have anything you'd like to add, please leave a comment!!! I'd love to hear what y'all come up with!!!

It takes all kinds...

So, I have another customer story for you, and I promise, this is a good one.

Now, I'm all about pets. I love dogs and cats, and wish I had some pets of my own. I sometimes even gush over the really cute ones.

That being said, I didn't really appreciate the lady who brought her dog into the store on a busy Sunday. Maybe it's one thing to have the dog in one of those carry-on type bags where the pooch is just kind of along for the ride, but this dog was not in one of those handy bags. Mostly, the lady was carrying it around, but at some points, the dog (though attached to a leash) was running around on the floor!!! Ok, seriously, I think you can get away with this at PetCo, but our clothing store is NOT PetCo.

Anyway, at one point, the Dog Lady is in the fitting room, and you can see the dog is lying on the floor watching her. I am about to let another customer into an empty fitting room, but always knock on the door to make sure there isn't another customer inside.

Real Librarian: **knock, knock**

Dog: *WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF*

Dog Lady: No, no... Use your inside voice!!

Yup, that's what she said. She told her DOG to use it's INSIDE voice. For a minute there I thought I might be in the library...

Update on The Greatest Gift

Remember when I posted the story about The Tornado? It turns out, as someone in the comments predicted, she LIED!!!!

She came into our store not terribly long ago, though luckily, I wasn't there. Of course she was returning some stuff. But, I hear she was uncharacteristically pleasant. Hmm, interesting. Maybe she felt bad for how childish and crazy she acted when she was there the last time.

Naw, probably not...