Dear Library Patron

Dear Library Patron,

Thank you for thinking about my staff and I today at lunch time. How did you know we LURVE Domino's Pizza?? The two pizzas you brought us didn't stand a chance, and we appreciate you very much!!! THANK YOU!!!


Your friendly neighborhood Librarian.

Yup, one of our regulars came in today with 2 pizzas and a card thanking us for everything we do. It's FABULOUS to be appreciated!!! =)

Yet another reason why I love my job!!!

Dear Library Patron

Dear Library Patron,

Thank you for coming in to the library today...and every day. It brings joy to all our hearts that you are the first one in the door almost every day in order to make it to one of our public computers.

We don't really appreciate the fact that you constantly look at lingerie ads and things of the sort right in front of our circulation desk, so our fine employees get a nice show of naughtiness every day, but we'll let all that slide.

We will not, however, tolerate your lack of appropriate dress. Please always remember to put on your belt. While it may have been mildly amusing, it was entirely disgusting to see your crack staring at us while you were on the computer.

Thank you,

Your Friendly Neighborhood Librarian

Dear Library Patron

Dear Library Patron,

Thank you for coming to the library today.

However, I do not wish to touch your library card that you just whipped out of your cleavage. Gross.

Next time, either use a wallet, or use the self check machine.

Thank you,

Your friendly neighborhood librarian

Dear Library Patron

Wow, it's been a while since I drafted a "Dear Library Patron" letter!! It feels SO GOOD!!! WHOOOT WHOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!! Oh, and before I start my letter - be sure to enter my latest giveaway!!!

Dear Library Patron,

Welcome to the Library!! I am glad to see that you have found that we offer free internet access to all patrons! However, I would like to extend some advice.

Please consider that you have planted yourself on a computer in the children's department of the building. You are free to use these computers, of course, but you might want to watch what you say. For instance, yelling at your husband/boyfriend that it's his fault you are in such financial debt is probably not appropriate behavior - not only in the children's department, but in the library building in general. Also, asking your husband/boyfriend WTF is wrong with him, and then telling him you don't even want to hear his answer, let alone see his face is also probably not appropriate.

I am sorry you are finding yourself a victim of the economy and poor choices, but please, leave your loud discussions at home.

Oh, and seeing as how it's December in Minnesota, probably you want to put some pants on your three year old before taking her outside in the snow.

Thank you,

Your Friendly Neighborhood Librarian

A couple customer stories for you!

Well, it's been forever since I just wrote a post. Lately it's been all about the reviews, which is SUPER awesome. I love getting books and reading (obviously!), and writing reviews is seriously one of my new favorite things to do!!

But, I miss telling stories. I really miss telling library stories, but I don't really have a choice in that matter right now. There is not much happening in the MN library world right now, which is unfortunate because I am a ROCK STAR librarian (and modest, too, right?!) and could do great things if given the opportunity!!! Too bad the MN government is billions of dollars in debt...

Anyway, I thought I would give you some stories from my retail job. Gotta love some customers, right?

In my store, we are trained to give bra fits. This isn't something I love doing, although it is cool to get a woman in a bra that actually fits and doesn't leave her girls hanging down to her belly button. My latest bra fit adventure had a lady trying on pretty much every style of bra in the store. She also had her two rambunctious little girls (probably ages 4 and 6) in the fitting room with her. They were CRAZY!! They both had their shirts off and had the bras on - it was hilarious!!! Anyway, I am frequently asked to come in to the fitting room and give my opinion on how the bra fits. Again, not my favorite part of the job, but hey, you do what you gotta do, right? At one point, mom whips off the bra she is trying on and reveals the girls in all their glory. Note to all women trying on bras - please wait until the associate has left the fitting room...I don't need to see the ladies.

Here is a phone call I received the other day:
Woman on Phone: So, I was just in there on Saturday, and I bought a pair of pants, decided I wanted two pair and then grabbed another. I got home, took the tags off and washed them. When they were drying, I noticed I grabbed a petite, and I am NOT wearing flood pants. Now, I live 4 hours away, and I'm not coming back to the area until July, can I mail them back to you and you can credit my account?
Real Librarian: Oh, I'm sorry that happened!! But we can't do returns or exchanges through the mail, we need to have the credit card they were purchased on in house to credit your account.
WoP: Well, you need to figure out what we can do, then because I am not spending that much money on gas to get there to return these damn pants.
RL: Well, my name is Real Librarian, and if you come back in when you come in July, we'll be happy to do an even exchange or a return at that time, just bring your receipt!
WoP: Unbelievable. I don't understand why I can't just ship them to you and you credit my account!

Well, it went on like that for a little while. Sorry honey - I'm not losing my job because you were an idiot and grabbed the wrong pair of pants. We finally worked something out, or rather *I* figured something out.

And here is another tip for the shoppers out there... We are more than happy to put the clothes that don't work for you away - it's part of our job, we know where it goes, and we have a system. However, we would appreciate you putting the clothes back on the hanger rather than leaving it in a pile, inside out on the floor of the dressing room. That's just rude. Oh, and we don't like your deodorant stains on our clothes, so be careful.

I have to be honest. While I wasn't thrilled to be working retail, I am actually quite enjoying my job. I am LOVING the girls I work with, and honestly the customers for the most part are pretty cool. Plus, my new wardrobe is SLAMMIN!!! =)

I've got a couple reviews in the works!!! Look for a review of Things I Want My Daughters to Know by Elizabeth Noble and Sunnyside Blues by Mary Carter!!

Has it really been that long?!

So, I have just realized that it's been FOR-EVAH since I updated my blog! I feel like such a slacker - but life has been getting in the way. Too bad for me with no internet at home, it makes things a lot harder. I used to be such a good little blogger, but not so much anymore... Is anyone still out there?!

Things have been rough... I am still looking for a library job (seriously, if anyone knows anyone who needs a good librarian - I'm your girl!!!). Unfortunately, my hubby was the victim of company restructuring due to the economy, and lost his job last week. We are hanging in there, and are full of positive energy and good hopes and all that good stuff. Things will look up soon, I can feel it!!!

I do have some things on the horizon, though. I have a review to post about the book The Red Leather Diary: Reclaiming a life through the pages of a lost journal by Lily Koppel. I'll give you a preview: this was an entirely engaging story!! I can't wait to tell you all about it, because it truly rocked my face off!! I also have another book that I am currently working on for review - Do I Dare Disturb the Universe? From the projects to prep school by Charlise Lyles. So far, so good!!!

And now I'll leave you with a Dear Customer letter. This is a good one, I promise...

Dear Customer,

I am so happy you chose to return these items to our store. I am sorry that they didn't work out for you, and would be pleased to take them back. Next time you want to return something, however, I do have some advice for you.

Please don't put them in a bag, and then proceed to blow a carton's worth of cigarette smoke onto them. The stench from the clothes caused my eyes to water from 10 feet away. I understand the need to smoke, as I was a smoker for quite a number of years (quit 6 months ago - whoot whoooooot!!), but DAMNATION. If you and everything you touch smells like that, it's a wonder how you have any human contact at all. Even soaking them in Fabreeze didn't allow us to put them back out on the racks.

Thanks for your consideration.

Your Friendly Neighborhood Customer Service Specialist.

Dear Customer...

So, if you used to read my blog when I used to actually work in a library, you might remember my "Dear Library Patron" posts. Well, I am not currently working in a library (anyone need a good librarian?!?!?!), but I AM still working in customer service. Which means I still get to deal with some...interesting...people. Here is my latest letter...

Dear customer,

Thank you for coming into the store in FULL ATTACK mode. I can see why you would need to charge up to the service desk with your receipt in hand and YELL at my very sweet coworker that you "spend a lot of money in our store" and DEMAND that she give you a price adjustment with a coupon that you just got in the mail, even though the coupon was not valid and not even circulating when you purchased your items.
First of all, you are a bitch.
My very sweet coworker gave you your price adjustment. But, there was no reason to come in here and be a bitch about it, you could have just asked her nicely. Just because you "spend a lot of money" in our store, doesn't give you the right to treat people like shit.
Oh, and if you come in here, guns blazing, with a big attitude, we're going to talk about you behind your back when you leave.

Thank you,
Your friendly neighborhood customer service specialist.

Dear Library Patron

Dear Library Patron,

Thank you for spitting your nasty sunflower seeds all over the floor of the library and on the desks by the computers. How wonderful that you were able to enjoy a snack while checking your MySpace page.

Seriously?! WTF do you think you are?!?! First of all, you aren't even supposed to have food or drinks in the library. But to come in here, and SPIT sunflower seeds all over the place?!?! Unfuckingbelievable. Learn some respect - not only for the library, but for the people around you.

Your pissed off neighborhood librarian.

Dear Library Patron

Dear Library Patron,

I understand that tax season is in full swing, and you want to use our public use computers to do TurboTax, or whatever site you use, to do your taxes. Have at it, but remember these things.

You get one hour on the computer. If there is no wait list for reservations, you do have the option of extending your time. This has to be done BEFORE the computer logs you out, however, otherwise you will lose your work. If you try to extend your time AFTER the computer logs you out, I might just laugh at you.

If there is a reservation for your computer after your hour is up, then there is no way we can extend your time. You have to go and make another reservation. Yes, I know this is frustrating, but you came to the library on a busy evening when there are tons of other people here using the computers.

No, we cannot tell the 10 year old who is surfing his MySpace page that you need his computer. That's not the way it works. You may think that your computer work is more important that MySpace, but that argument won't fly with the 10 year old. Plus, he made his reservation like everyone else, and he gets to use his time.

And the biggest one - NO, I cannot help you do your taxes. I've never used TurboTax, or whatever it is that you are trying to use, and even if I had, I am NOT a certified Tax Professional. Library employees are not allowed to do your taxes for you, and I don't know why you would think that that was a good idea, anyway.

Lucky for you, the library is hosting some real live tax professionals who come in twice a week to help people with their taxes - for FREE. Please stop harassing the nice library employees.

Thank you very much,

Your friendly neighborhood librarian.

Dear Library Patron

Dear Library Patron,

I realize there is nothing more important to you than hearing whatever song is on your friends MySpace page. I also realize that hearing the music while you watch Akon's latest video is imperative to whole video experience.

However, if *I* can hear the music coming out of your headphones while I am 10 feet away from you, the music is PROBABLY too loud.

Don't get me wrong, I like a good song with a killer bass line and booty shakin' hoochies in the video just as much as the next hottie librarian, but the guy sitting next to you (you know, the one in the suit and tie browsing CNN.com) doesn't look too enthused about being able to FEEL your music.

So, if you don't mind helping me out a little, I'd appreciate it.

Oh, and by the way, next time your cell phone rings, you might want to take your headphones off to answer it. I don't think holding the phone up to your headphones which are still attached to your ears will allow you to hear the caller. However, the person on the other end will still be able to hear you just fine, so you probably don't have to scream "HELLO!!" five times into the phone.

Thank you,

Your friendly neighborhood librarian.

Dear Library Patron

Dear Library Patron,

I know that sometimes it seems that I purposefully give you an answer that you don't want to hear. But, I promise I'm not doing it to make you angry or to mess with your head.

The fact that the computers are down and you can't get on MySpace - NOT MY FAULT. As you can see, it's not just your computer, and chances are these problems are happening at all the libraries. We don't cut out the internet just to piss you off. It causes us WAY more problems than it causes you. You don't have to bite my head off. And NO, I don't know when it's going to come back up.

I apologize that the books don't transport themselves from the shelf at another branch magically into your hands. We haven't perfected our teleportation device yet. If you need it today, you might have to drive to the other branch to pick it up. Again, this is not to piss you off, it's just the way it works.

I apologize that you can't read your reservation ticket. It clearly states which computer number you are assigned to, what time your reservation starts, and (if applicable) how long your wait is. It also tells you that you have 5 minutes to log in to your computer before you lose your reservation. But, please, feel free to yell at me because you can't understand it.

Oh, and it would be appreciated if you said 'thank you' after I spent time helping you find exactly what you needed. I might even say 'you're welcome.'

Thank you and have a nice day,

Your friendly neighborhood librarian.